


Closeism

by TheCinematicRevealThatBatmanIsDead



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Meditation, Slow Burn, Wrestling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-08-10 19:27:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7858114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCinematicRevealThatBatmanIsDead/pseuds/TheCinematicRevealThatBatmanIsDead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happened between Hit The Diamond and Beta? I don't know. This fic takes place in that timespan though, and none/some/all of these things happen in it:<br/>Lapis takes Steven's advice...<br/>Peridot logs logs the old-fashioned way...<br/>A GF (golden friendship) is formed with the help of a Canadian soap opera...<br/>A blue idiot and a green idiot think wrestling is real...<br/>Someone invents* art...<br/>Someone else invents a word**...<br/>And much more...</p><p>*This is a lie<br/>**It's actually not a word</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Peridot has a friendship accident

_ Forenote: The earth-made recording device on which my previous logs were stored was destroyed yesterday in a friendship-related accident. As much as it pains me, I’m forced to rely on an even more primitive method of log-keeping: manually written language. I’ll be using a  _ ~~_ scerw drivar _ ~~ _ screw driver to scratch my thoughts and feelings onto the wall of this barn. Like an animal. _

_ Feeling number one: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK _

“Oh, right” said a voice behind me. I jerked around to see Lapis looking at the wall I was carving on with a blank expression. I hadn’t heard her coming up to the loft. I covered my log entry with my body as best I could and tried to look casual.

“Myeah?” I said, too loudly.

“Sorry about your...your box thing. That you talked at.”

Her eyes were as baggy and disinterested as always, and her voice was almost a monotone. I was frozen stiff by the sheer discomfort of the exchange. 

“For breaking it, I mean,” she clarified. “Sorry.”

Without waiting for a response, she opened her wings, turned around and walked off of the edge of the loft. A moment later, I heard a thud, followed by a disinterested “ow”. The loft must have been lower than she expected, so she couldn’t get enough air under her wings to glide out into the open. 

“Are you okay?” I called down.

I got a dismissive grumble in response, and with a blast of air and the sound of an oar through water, Lapis was gone.

I sat down, a little dazed, then began to to carve an addendum to my log entry.

 

_ Post-Forenote-note: I am not angry. _

 

~~_ Entry Follows: _ ~~

_ Post-post-forenote-note afternote: I think Lapis was reading my log. This both upsets and excites me. She cares. Maybe. _

 

_ Post-post- ~~asklfjas;lkdgj;lkajsdg~~ note: Why? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amethyst taught Peridot to say fuck.


	2. Lapis Stares at Stairs

I flew aimlessly for a few hours, watching the sun’s glittering reflection on the ocean and counting the boats docked in the harbor. I made a lazy loop along the shoreline, sometimes flying low and feeling the salty wind and sea spray in my face. When it got too dark, I landed in town and walked down the street with my hands in the pockets of my dress and my head down, playing human. The moon was at its apex when I finally got back to the barn.

My plan was to sleep on top of the silo like usual, but as I walked past the open barn door, I heard the sound of faint speech and saw a bluish-white light coming from the loft. Was someone in there with Peridot? Were the Crystal Gems back? Curiosity got the better of me and I went in.

My wings were sore from the hours of flying, and I kinda liked the feeling of using my legs to get around, so I looked for a more conventional way to the loft. Over by the back wall, there was a structure I had never noticed before. It looked a little bit like the ladder on the silo, but the frame was tilted at an angle, and the rungs were just wooden slats that were parallel with the ground. I tried to climb up with my hands and feet, the way Steven climbed the ladder, but I forced me to lean forward in a way that felt weird, and the planks were harder to grip than the bar-shaped rungs of the silo ladder. I found it easier to stand up straight and ascend the barn ladder using only my legs. What a strange way to build a median between a wall and a floor.

When I got to the top, Peridot was awake, curled up in a blanket in front of the image cube, the only thing I remember from the tour of the barn she had given me yesterday. I’m sure the barn ladder had a name too, but I honestly wasn’t paying any attention.

“Lapis,” she said, surprised, but remaining quiet. I didn’t say anything, but my gaze flicked to the cube before it went back to Peridot, and she seemed to catch it.

“Oh! I’m just watching Camp Pining Hearts. It’s the season 2 premiere, and Paulette’s brought her family in from Calgary to see the camp.”

I had no clue what any of those words meant, so I walked to the other side of the image cube and peered at it.

The human on the screen had curly red hair and wore a green hat and uniform, and was speaking worriedly to a character offscreen. “But Percy! My parent’s car broke down in the parkade, and Camp Counselor Bret Hart is too busy moving his Chesterfield to notice.”

A male human with blonde hair entered the picture holding a thin white cylinder in his mouth. “Ugh, I don't care, Paulette. Can’t you just leave me alone and let me smoke this dart, eh?

The girl and the boy then proceeded to smash their mouths together and claw at each other’s hair.

“Are they fighting?” I asked.

“No,” Peridot said, “they’re kissing. I wish they would just fight already. It’s bad enough she cost him the capture-the-flag trophy, now she’s making up stories about the camp counselors just to get into his head.”

We were quiet for a while. The two humans on the screen finally pulled their faces away from one another, smoke billowing from both of their mouths. Peridot sighed and turned the volume down.

“Do…I mean…would you like to sleep in the the barn tonight?” she asked. Her voice sounded fragile. It was missing the pretentious affect it usually had. It was a sincere question.

 

 _You could have at least gotten to know her before you decided you didn’t like her_.

 

I scowled and stormed down the stupid wooden ladder thing to the wooden floor of the barn.

“Okay,” said Peridot. “See you tomorrow then, I gue-”

She stopped talking when I ripped open one of the paint cans. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her confused stare following me. I tilted the can and walked backwards toward the wall as the paint spilled out and formed a sky-blue line through the barn. I looked Peridot in the eye and made sure I had her attention.

“My side.”

The biggest, dumbest grin lit up her face.

I sighed and lied down on the floor with my back turned to her. I didn’t want her to see me smiling. I didn’t want to think about what that meant. I simply closed my eyes and let the sound of a screwdriver scratching against the wall lull me to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in a day. Don't be too impressed, Lapidot pretty much just writes itself. Enjoy and comment and flame and report and all that great stuff. Just don't ask me to explain why Lapis would need pockets.


	3. Peridot remembers to love herself

_ Log Date: I forgot but it’s fine. We’ll just start over at 1. _

_ Entry follows: _

_ Lapis slept in the barn last night. With me. _

 

_ Peridot, Facet 5 _

 

I stared at the letters, trying to imagine them forming meaningful words that captured the tingle running through my form, but everything just circled back to the same thought: Lapis slept in the barn last night. I made her an offer and she took it. We were closer. 

“Close” is a strange word. There’s one definition meaning physical proximity, and another meaning...something else. Something more abstract. Friendship, romance, understanding, or all of those things. Or  _ none _ of those things. Maybe we weren’t any closer. Maybe I was just like Paulette, assuming that Percy cared about her just because he gave her friendship bracelets and love letters and put himself in danger for her sake all the time. What had Lapis done? Apologized for breaking my tape recorder, slept in the same building as me, blushed when I smiled at her two days ago, saved me from the rubies twice…

My thoughts trailed off.

_ What did I do to deserve her… _

I tried to remember the word.

_ Her closeism. Why should she be close to me? _

The words  _ Era II Peridot _ entered my mind, as if to answer me. I shook my head. That’s not right. That’s not thinking like a Crystal Gem. 

I headed downstairs and sat by the entrance to the barn. Lapis was sitting on top of the silo, blurred by distance and the atmosphere of the planet. I closed my eyes and remembered her, vibrantly blue against the grey sky as she turned to me and said three words that made me feel...valued. Important. Not just another expendable Peridot. “Are you okay?” she asked, and I think the overwhelming joy shone through on my face. 

Realization ran through me like a bolt of electricity.

I wanted to see that joy on her face.

 

_ Entry Follows: _

_ I think that’s what closeism is. Making Lapis happy when she makes me happy. I loved My Diamond. I pledged my loyalty to her from the minute I emerged from my Kindergarten. I served her gladly, carried out my duties to the best of my ability, and did it all in her name. The thought of her praise made me melt. I was willing to be shattered for her.   _

_ The first time I saw her face, she said two words that made me feel as small and replaceable as a grain of sand.  _

 

_ “Which Peridot?” _

 

_ Here is a list of things My Diamond never said to me: _

_ “Thank You, Peridot.” _

_ “I’m sorry.” _

_ “Talk to me.” _

_ “Good work. I’m proud of you.” _

_ “I believe in you.” _

 

_ “Are you okay?” _

 

_ I’m an Earthling now. I’m a Crystal Gem. ~~I have to be better.~~ _

 

_ I will be better.  _

 

_ Peridot, Facet 5 _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet, just like Dorito-chan. I have this irrational fear that people might think I don't know the word "closeness". I do. It's fine. It's fine.


	4. Lapis is a Baseball Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Imitation is a sincere form of flattery.

Flying was nice.

In moderation.

For the first time since defusing, there was nothing I wanted to do. I was being pulled in opposite directions by my impulses. I wanted to lay around, but I didn’t want to sit still. I wanted to go somewhere, but I didn’t want to leave the barn. But I was sick of the barn. But I didn’t want to go to town. I ended up just staying on top of the silo, nauseous with indecision and baking in the afternoon sun. There was one thing I could think of to do, but it involved having to hang around my former captor turned tiny, hyperactive dirtbomb. What was I thinking, sleeping in the barn? It must have been some sense of obligation. Pity. Yeah.

“Hey, Lazuli?” came the voice of said dirtbomb from the side of the silo with the ladder. Speak of the devil, and she shall appear.

“What do you want?” I said, not opening my eyes.

I heard footsteps approaching, then a screech as she lost her footing for a moment. She slid down to the lip of the silo and crouched next to me.

“I just wanted to tell you...umm…” I opened one eye to see her holding a black rectangle with a screen. She was reading something on the display, trying to memorize it.

“I wanted to tell you that you did...a good...hustle? Good hustle out there. You did a good hustle out there.”

I opened the other eye. Peridot was keeping her expression neutral, waiting for my response. Neither of us talked for a long time.

“What are you doing on that screen?” I asked.

Peridot glanced to the right and, almost reluctantly, turned the screen around so I could see. She was accessing some kind of database. At the top, in large letters were the words, “19 Good Affirmations for Your Baseball Son”, followed by a numbered list of similarly incomprehensible statements, some making less sense than “Good hustle”.

I nodded. Another pause ensued.

Peridot started to walk away, before turning around and saying, “By the way, I have metal powers.”

She held out her hand and made the screen thing float as a demonstration. Clueless yet again as to how I should respond, I just nodded blankly, and Peridot tucked the screen under her arm and mounted the ladder.

“Wait,” I said.

“Mm?”

“What’s going on? You seem…unhappy.”

She sighed and shrugged. “It’s not you. I just...can’t get the words right.”

She shimmied down the latter and walked dejectedly across the pasture and into the barn. 

* * *

 

The sun was a pale yellow orb in the sky. The day felt exhausted, impatient to give way to the night. I knocked on the barn door, and heard the tapping of Peridot’s feet on the wood. She slid the door open a crack and peered out at me. I waved.

“Oh. Lapis.” She opened the door. “Come on in.”

I obliged and stood in the center of the barn, looking around for nothing in particular. After a moment of awkward silence, Peridot invited me up to the loft.

I followed her to the foot of the barn ladder, where I stopped, pointed at the structure and said, “What is this?”

“Oh? Those are stairs.”

Stairs.

It sounded made up, but then that’s language, isn’t it?

We walked up the stairs together and sat down on the pile of blankets across from the image cube. Peridot crossed her legs and looked at me.

“Ok,” I said. “I want to know why you’ve been acting weird.”

“Weird?”

“Yeah. Like...what was that this afternoon?”

“Uh…”

“You’ve been like this all week. You come up to me, say something weird, and then you scamper away like you’re scared of me or something. And it’s always stuff like ‘Lapis, water is a highly conductive substance’ or ‘Lapis, I’m proud of you’ or ‘Happy Birthday, Lapis’. I don’t understand what you want me to say.”

She shifted uncomfortably and glanced at the carvings on the wall, which I’d been avoiding looking at for a while. I kept my eyes on her, focused intently on the details of her form. Her soft-looking hair, touseled and unkempt. The way she pulled her knees all the way up to her nose. The aura of fragility that the limb enhancers had hidden all that time ago. It was endearing, actually. Like the sun’s reflection on the sea at the end of the day. I don’t know what that image reminded me so much of Peridot but something about it felt... _true._

“I just...being around you...seeing you...it makes me really happy, Lapis.”

I snapped out of my reverie when I realized that those were not my thoughts I was hearing, but Peridot’s words. She continued.

“Before all this...remember how you felt about the Diamonds?”

I did. When I was called up to Blue Diamond’s court, I was happier than I had ever been. So many emotions came together to form a pillar of sheer joy in the center of my gem. Living in the Sea Spire with the Turqoises and Aquamarines was like a fantasy.

“That’s how I feel about you, and...I wanted to share that. It felt right to at least try to give some of that back, because...y’know, the Diamonds never did.

“But every time I tried, I couldn’t get the words right.” She buried her face in her hands. “And I just ended up making myself feel like a cloddy clump of chalk.”

Every impulse was in agreement now. I didn’t want to see her like this. I wrapped her in one of the blankets and held her against me. She was trembling. I wanted her to be happy. I got it. I understood.

Now I had to show her that I understood. A memory of the fusion, Garnet, reassuring Peridot by calling her a clod, surfaced, as did Peridot’s reaction: A stunned, “That’s my word”.

It was worth a shot.

 

“Hey, Peridot”.

“Y-Yeah?”

“...Good hustle.”

  
I could _feel_ her smile from beneath the blanket.


	5. Peridot and the Big Quilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If you ever thought you were in love, you've been in love. That's all love is. Thoughts, mostly."  
> -Gardner Barnes, Fandango (1985)

_Log Date: 7 20 2_

 

 _Entry Follows: When Steven taught me about music, he did it in his typical abstract, touchy-feely manner, but he never hinted at the level of theory and rigid organization inherent in it. Humans have made up dozens of languages to express music, from MIDI, to sol-fa, to staff notation, to Surakarta. There are rules about what sounds blend well, what sounds sound off, frequencies, rhythm and tempo, but somehow, humans generally experience music as a spontaneous phenomenon rather than an exact science. I think I understand this apparent contradiction, too. Emotions are technically just chemical reactions in the brain, and music is technically just dots on a line, but they don’t_ feel _that way._

_I want to show Lapis._

 

_Peridot, Facet 5_

 

_Addendum: I’m no longer logging my logs on the barn wall. The electronic tablet Steven gave me has the capacity to digitally store text and audio logs. I’m back in business, baby*! Peridot out._

 

_The * (asterisk) is indicative of a colloquial human expression of excitement. I am neither addressing a human infant nor a person I consider my significant other._

 

Everything was ready. I had the marimba resting on my lap, a mallet in each hand, and the mint-green kazoo clenched firmly between my teeth. I had practiced. I had my piece memorized. All I had to do now was wait for my audience.

So I waited.

I mean, I tried.

When I woke up, it was raining and the kazoo was still in my mouth. I looked around and saw Lapis sitting in the corner farthest from the door, which she had shut and bolted when she came in. She’d dragged the TV down from the loft and was now just staring at it with no expression on her face.

“Lapis?”

No response. I shoved the marimba off my lap, spit out the kazoo and crawled over to her.

I realized something was up when I saw the screen.

There was nothing but visual static on the screen, flickering black and white dots that looked like quadrillions of microscopic creatures engaged in all-out war. That visual and the gentle hiss of the rain on the roof of the barn made for a kind of numbing effect. I looked at her for an explanation, and I guess I got one.

“Jasper tried to take me back today.”

The way she said it, monotonous and nonchalant, like “my friend told me to tell you hi,” struck me before the actual content of the statement. Before she could say anything else, I ran upstairs and came back down with an armful of blankets and pillows. Lapis continued staring at the screen as I draped the Big Quilt over her and put a pillow behind her head.

“Better?” I asked.

Lapis gave an soft, affirmative-sounding grunt.

“Okay,” I said. “When you’re ready.”

* * *

 

“I shouldn’t have gone. I just felt awful the whole time. I couldn’t stop thinking about the past few months. When she and I were fused, I could _feel_ how much she hated me. She told me exactly how she was going to shatter me, what a traitor I was, how weak I was for protecting the Crystal Gems and the Earth after what they did to me. I couldn’t ignore her. I had to hold the fusion together, so I...I took it in. I made myself think those things, took them into myself. I lived in her hate. I had to _want_ it.

“When we finally unfused, it was all still there. She took a part of me away and left a part of herself in its place. And being out at sea, all of that came rushing back. Then...”

She was shaking like a leaf and raking her nails up and down her bicep.

“Then she just...showed up and begged me to fuse with her. It didn’t feel real. But I wanted to do it. This gross part of me kept screaming that I needed her to...to fix me. But she was gonna hurt Steven, so I threw her off the boat, and then it was over. I had already dropped Steven and his dad off at the dock when it really hit me that that had just happened. Now I’m feeling all this stuff, and I can’t think straight and it _hurts_ , Peridot” She was crying, suddenly. I didn’t notice at first, because her face didn’t scrunch up like Pearl’s does when she cries. Instead, she cried like Garnet; her expression softened and the tears just leaked out as she tried to talk through them.

“I don’t know what to do. I feel awful and everything’s wrong and I just want to retreat to my gem and stay there because I’m exhausted and miserable and I keep wishing I’d…”

She froze. I recognized the look on her face. It was the look she’d given Jasper when we first landed on Earth and she tried to assure the Quartz that Steven was not relevant to the mission. Humans call it “deer-in-the-headlights”.

“It’s okay. Tell me,” I said.

She took a deep breath and bent her head so that her bangs covered up her eyes.

“I keep wishing I’d been shattered in the crash.”

I was speechless.

She continued. “Or that I’d been broken when I came back to homeworld, or during the rebellion. I keep wishing that I’d stayed in the mirror or...that I’d never even formed.”

She opened her mouth to say something else, but then she suddenly lurched forward and began crying again, loudly now, shaking and gasping for breath and letting out huge, thick Pearl tears.

“What do I do, Peridot?” she kept saying. “What do I do?”

I didn’t know what to do with my arms, so I pulled the Big Quilt up to her chin. She looked at me, begging for an answer. It hurt.

“I don’t know.”

I didn’t. I only knew what I could do. I stood up.

“Please don’t leave.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I’m gonna get something that might help.” I said over my shoulder.

I came back with the kazoo. Lapis eyed it suspiciously until I sat down next to her and began to play the song I’d written.

Even though the small buzzing noises produced by the vibrating piece of plastic only vaguely resembled the sound of the howling saxophone and grand piano in my original arrangement, the music filled up the barn. I could feel something happening in my gem, a pulse. My gem was responding to the music, just like it responds to a new planet’s gravity, or to damage to my projected form. I imagine humans feel the same way about breathing in and processing oxygen. It felt right.

I kept time with the pulse. One and two and three and four and one and two and three and four. Lyrics occurred to me, implied by the melody, clinging to it.

_I want to hear your laughter_

_And your whispers in the dark_

_I want to hear your problems_

_And the beating of your heart_

_I want to feel your skin against me_

_And let you fall apart._

My gem nearly burst when Lapis wrapped her arms around my waist and rested her head against my side. I moved, to make her a little more comfortable. The pulse in my gem was getting faster. I had to tap my heel against the floorboards to keep from rushing. One, two, three, four, one, two, three, four, Ritardando, three, four and, one, two, three. Four.

_I want to know I helped you_

_I want to be your rose_

_I’ll be the light to guide the way_

_And keep you warm when you get_

_Close._

I held the final note for a few measures, let it echo and fade until we returned to the comfortable silence of the barn. I looked down at Lapis, who had moved her head into my lap and closed her eyes.

“What was that?” she asked.

“Music.”

She nodded. “We used to play music at the spire.”

 

“How do you feel?”

“A little better.”

“Do you want anything?”

“Just…stay here.”

I smiled and stroked her hair.

“I’m here, Lapis.”

 

_I’m here._

 

_Peridot, Facet 5_


	6. Lapis Cuts a Sick Promo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is what they call a "plot cul-de-sac". Hope you like wrestling.

I woke up with my head still resting on Peridot’s lap. She was looking down at me, waiting for my eyes to open. The sensation of gradual wakefulness had an incredible inertia to it. Getting up, going back to sleep, doing anything but lying here and looking up into Peridot’s eyes would be a waste of energy. The universe was in equilibrium at this instant.

“Good morning,” she said.

“Thank you. Did you sleep?”

“No. Steven showed you how?”

“We used to meditate at the Spire. Sleeping’s just a sloppy version of meditation.”

She nodded, her eyes somewhere else. “Did it help?”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course. Thank you.”

She smiled, but there was anxiety behind it. I sat up and got into a comfortable position where I could see her better. “Is something wrong?”

She laced her fingers and shifted, unsure whether to keep her back against the wall or turn her body towards me. “It’s fine, I just…” She looked down. “What do we do now?”

She sounded scared in a way I couldn’t pin down. “Well, what do you wanna do?”

“I...together?”

Realization clicked. She was insecure. I almost laughed, but I managed to turn it into a reaffirming smile. “Yes. Whatever you want to do today, I’ll do it with you.”

* * *

I didn’t know what “Wrestling” was, and neither did Peridot, but apparently it was something Amethyst, a Crystal Gem I had never met in person, did all the time, and there was to be an event dedicated to the activity at the Beach City Event Center.

The auditorium was cold and echoey, but I realized that the former was about to change when I saw how many people were filing in along with us, sitting in chairs positioned around a huge elevated square surrounded by three parallel ropes on all four sides. In the center, a human with black and white stripes running vertically on his shirt stood with his hands in his pockets. Peridot shifted her steel chair closer to mine, and I wanted to show approval, so I touched her hair for some reason.

I don’t know why I touched her hair.

I don’t know why I couldn’t stop touching her hair.

“Uh...Lapis?”

It was really soft. It was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. I ran my fingers through my own hair, just for a quick comparison. Mine was soft too, but it was loose, and offered little resistance when I moved my hand through it. Hers was thick and warm and _strong_. It was like immersing my hand in cotton.

“Lapis, why are you touching my hair?”

“I don’t know. Should I stop?”

She hesitated. “Nah. Anyway, Amethyst told me that wrestling is ‘the shit’, which means it’s very good and entertaining. Since then, I’ve purposefully kept myself in the dark about it, so I can experience the maximum amount of surprise at whatever it is. Pretty smart, right?”

I nodded. “It sounds the shit.”

Suddenly, the lights in the auditorium dimmed. “It’s starting,” said Peridot, and I reluctantly pulled my hands away from her luxurious locks.

 

There was a brief silence before music began pumping into the arena through huge speakers to the sides. The human sitting on a raised platform in the back spoke into a microphone. “Ladies and Gentlemen,” he said. “Making his way to the ring now...in his first ever professional wrestling match...from Punxsutawney, Keystone...weighing in at 230 pounds...Gary ‘The Groundhog’ Gurwitz!”

People clapped, and Peridot and I awkwardly followed suit. A human dressed in a brown overcoat, wearing a top hat and carrying some kind of animal walked up the steel steps and into the ring. He was grimacing, and looking at the crowd with absolute loathing. I leaned forward, curious. He took a microphone from the stripe-shirted guy and began to address the crowd.

“What’s up, Beach City?”

People cheered.

“Oh, man. You guys happy to live in this town?”

Another round of cheering.

“Well, it SUCKS!”

Everyone, including Peridot and myself, gasped. I never expected this guy to be mean!

“Yeah. Yeah, lemme just rattle off some of the reasons why I’d rather die in Punxatawney than live in this hellhole you losers call home. Number one: the food. There are _three_ resturaunts here! In the entire city, there are just three restraunts! And one of them serves nothing but French Fries? Are you kidding me? Where am I supposed to get a garden salad? Phil here”- he gestured to the animal he was holding, a small brown creature about the size of a pillow- “Phil here’s a vegan! How’s he supposed to get his grass-fed butternut squash porterhouse at dinnertime?!”

The people in the crowd began to make a low “oooooooo” noise. I used my extremely limited knowledge of human culture to try to deduce what all this meant.

Clearly, the crowd hated this “Gary” person. He was insulting the part of the planet they lived on and the food that they ate, both of which are things very personal and important to humans. “Ooooooo” is a noise most often associated with ghosts. Therefore, these humans must have been trying to attract ghosts to the auditorium in the hopes that they would scare Gary out of their sight. I looked over at Peridot, and at the same time, she turned to me and said “I think they’re calling for ghosts”.

“Do you want to help them?” I asked.

“Sure. I’d like to see a ghost.”

“Me too.”

Peridot and I joined in, making sure our _ooo_ ’s were extra loud and in a very scary monotone. The Groundhog continued talking.

“And finally, reason number four that Beach City is the worst place in Delmarva: your champion! The Purple Puma and his insufferable crony, Tiger Millionaire.”

The _ooo_ ’s became deafening.

“Those two are nothing but cut-rate, no-talent, overhyped, underperforming, cowardly _jobbers_.”

The auditorium rattled with disapproval. Peridot was standing up on her seat and yelling now. “Purple Puma is Amethyst’s favorite, you clod! You...jobber!”

“And,” said The Groundhog, “when I beat the Puma in the middle of the ring for the Delmarva Championship Wrestling title belt, I’m skipping town and taking that sucker where it belongs. I’m taking it to the greatest city in this state, the city with the better education system, the better theater, the better wrestlers and the better name! I’m taking the belt...TO OCEAN TOWN!”

“FUCK THE OCEAN!” I screamed before I could stop myself. Without missing a beat, the human woman next to me began chanting “Fuck the ocean,” followed by five claps. Soon, the rest of the crowd joined in.

_Fuck the ocean! (Clap, clap, clapclapclap) Fuck the ocean! (Clap, clap, clapclapclap)_

Still, Gary “The Groundhog” Gurwitz was undeterred.

“What’s that?” he said, pointing at the canvas. “Why, it’s my shadow! You guys are in luck! I get to make my prediction. In the name of the people and the glorious town of Punxsutawney, I hereby submit my official prediction.”

In a single motion, he threw off his hat and his coat, revealing the body of a powerful powerful warrior, rippling with muscle tissue.

“SIX MORE WEEKS OF WHUP-ASS!”

The crowd was on its feet. Every ghost in Beach City should have been able to hear them, but alas, none came. Instead, there was a flash of light, and an enormous, _ripped_ figure materialized behind The Groundhog. The _ooo’_ s turned to cheers, and the look on his face shifted from smugness to confusion in an instant. “Purple Puma!” someone yelled.

The Purple Puma was about the height of a Quartz soldier, and her hair went down to her waist. She wore a purple mask with holes for her eyes and mouth, and she seemed to have painted her skin a lavender color. Before The Groundhog could turn around, the Puma clasped her arms around his waist and arched her back, flinging The Groundhog in an wide arc that ended with his shoulders slamming into the mat. It looked unbelievably painful. It looked even more painful when the Puma used The Groundhog as leverage to flip herself over into a standing position, and then did the entire thing again. When she landed the second time, the Puma was standing on the ropes, and The Groundhog was struggling to break free. Before he could throw her off balance, she leapt into the air with The Groundhog in tow, and while they were still airborne, she grabbed his head in her massive hands and held him in place. When they landed, The Groundhog’s face hit the mat first, and he bounced about a foot into the air before landing again on his back. The Purple Puma put one foot in the center of his chest and flexed, beaming at the crowd, and the guy in the striped shirt slapped his open palm against the mat three times before a bell rang, signaling...something. I was utterly confused, but that didn’t stop me from cheering just as loud as everyone else.

“All right!” said the human in the back with the microphone. “Thanks so much, all of you, for coming to the pre-show! We’re gonna take a little intermission before the real show starts, so feel free to get some drinks and some popcorn. We’ve got a great night of wrestling ahead of us! At this time, I’d like those of you who did not purchase tickets to please leave in an orderly fashion.”

I turned to Peridot. “Did we get tickets?”

“No, Amethyst said to just watch the pre-show.”

I turned to the ring for one last look, only to see the Groundhog rising to his feet. Purple Puma was still basking in the adulation of the crowd, so she didn’t see him roll underneath the bottom rope, pull a folding chair from beneath the ring, and climb back in.

“Why’s he getting a chair?” I asked.

As if in answer, The Groundhog lifted the chair over his head, preparing to attack. Peridot gasped. “Purple Puma, watch out!”

The Groundhog slammed the chair between the Puma’s shoulder blades. She toppled to the mat, and he brought the chair down on her again and again and again.

“Lapis, he’s not supposed to do that is he?!” Peridot asked frantically.

“I don’t think so!”

“Purple Puma is Amethyst’s favorite wrestler! We can’t let him do that!”

“Well, what _can_ we do?”

Peridot stood on the chair and coiled up, ready to pounce.

“I’m gonna save her. Lapis, can you cover me?”

I nodded dutifully, picked up a magazine someone had left on the floor and draped it over her back. “How does this help?”

“Lapis, cover me as in...like, protect me”

My face felt really hot all of a sudden and my voice failed me, so I just nodded.

Peridot leapt forward, but misjudged her distance and ended up hitting the apron of the ring. Luckily for her, it was just a piece of tarp, so she tore straight through it and disappeared.

Less than a second later, she ripped through the canvas and pounced on the Groundhog’s head, throwing him off balance and sending the two of them toppling to the ground. Peridot started flailing her arms and making weird noises while the Puma tried to split them up. I sidled over to the side of the ring where the action was happening and whispered to Peridot that she was doing great. The crowd voiced their approval.

_This is awesome! (Clap, clap, clapclapclap) This is awesome! (Clap, clap, clapclapclap)_

* * *

 

When the last match was over, Security said we could leave the locker room and that no one was pressing charges in the interest of maintaining kayfabe. Most of those words were absolute gibberish, so I just told them “apology accepted,” and walked out with Peridot in tow.

 

“What’d you think?” she asked me once we got outside.

“It was fun. I didn’t expect it to just be fighting, did you?”

“No, I had no idea.” She blushed a little. “Thanks for coming with me! I had fun.”

I smiled, surprised by how natural it felt.

 

Peridot fell asleep before we got to the barn, so I carried her on my back. When we arrived, I took her upstairs, wrapped her up in the Big Quilt and rested her head in my lap.

 

Now.

 

Now what?

 

My thoughts drifted, swirled like ocean currents. Jasper. Peridot. Steven. Mirror. Diamonds. Everything was happening.

I knew what to do.

I crossed my legs and closed my eyes. I could feel the space around me changing. The barn was gone. I was in the Spire.

 

The Lunar Sea Spire had been completely submerged, swallowed by Earth’s ocean. That didn’t matter. My spire was above the water.

My spire was a small island, about a meter all the way across, just enough space for me to sit comfortably. Everything else, to the edge of the horizon and beyond, was water. It was so perfectly still that I couldn’t tell where the sea ended and the sky began. I breathed in.

The sea rose. It covered my legs, swallowed my island, made it all the way up to my waist. It was cold. I could feel myself merging with it. I breathed out.

The sea retreated, making a rumbling noise as it disappeared beyond the horizon, leaving me in a desert. I breathed in.

I was photons. I was waves. I was color and refraction and the upper limit of motion. A tidal wave crested over the horizon. It broke, rushing towards me as I breathed in, rising, devouring until it stopped. Inches from my nose. Quiet. Its surface was like glass. I breathed out.

The ocean was warm. It was an embrace from the planet. The salt-tainted wind was a voice, my own voice, speaking to me. _Welcome back, Lapis. I’m sorry I hurt you._

I breathed in. I breathed out. You didn’t hurt me. I don’t hate you.

_Who hurt you? Who do you hate?_

I breathed in. I’m afraid to hate. Jasper put this hatred in me and I’m scared to let it go. I breathed out. I’m scared to keep it inside. I want to feel clean. I want to feel okay. I breathed in.

_You’re unbalanced._

I haven’t been balanced in a very long time.

_Why?_

I breathed out. The hate.

_What will you do?_

“Snkrkrkknggnkrnrkk”

Peridot was on my island. Peridot was in my lap. Peridot was making a really stupid noise in her sleep.

I ran my fingers through her shock of soft, safe hair.

I breathed in the love. I breathed out the hate.

_How do you feel?_

I breathed in the love. Clean. Okay. Warm.

“Close,” Peridot muttered.

Close.


End file.
